I've got some points. I was hospitalised in January. So just as a preamble I'll tell you the impact of caring over the years, what has happened to me, which I didn't know, and which happens to everybody, and most of them in my community, my family, they hardly know that. ‘Oh, is that the reason? Is that it?’ We don't know.
The first is the physical strain. Supposing you have your mother, who's on dialysis, and you have to pay for it. Each dialysis could cost quite a lot if you're not in this country. And if you're in this country, you have to pay your taxes and then there are so many things to it. So, that's one thing: tiredness, injuries, poor sleep. You don't even know what's happening to you at that time.
Then what about the mental health, the stress, the anxiety, whether I'm giving medication properly? For example, Raymond was in palliative care and he was bleeding. The doctor came after midnight, around 2 o'clock, and he said, ‘You'll have to give him this injection around 05:00'. I said, ‘Doctor, I'm a mother of a doctor. I'm not a doctor’, so he said, ‘It's very easy. You just take this and give it.’ I don't know how I did it. I really prayed. I don't know what I did, but I had to do it. We are in that state now.
So you can imagine what's going on. My daughter is a doctor and she's not in this country, and my sister is in another country and they're telling me, ‘No, we are here, we are praying’, everything. You can imagine the stress and the things that go on at that minute, and Raymond is telling me, ‘Go on, go on. I'm here. Nothing will happen to me.’ So that is the maximum that can happen to a person when you are in that situation. At that time, you don't know anything.
Don't talk about the financial hardship. Every time I have to get out of the door, I'm spending at least £15 because I don't drive. Raymond was bedbound. That is my example, and that's the example of many of the people in my community. Many of us don't drive. Firstly, the father doesn't let you drive, then the husband doesn't want it, then you don't know—. So many other things.
Then there is social isolation. Because you're not well, you're in this country, many people don't want to come to your house. The doctors tell you that he's very vulnerable and all those things, and then my partner didn't want anybody to come in the house. ‘You do everything’. That was it. 'I'm not used to having people in my house'. That was one other thing.
Then there are reduced opportunities for any kind—. Even on Zoom, how do you do it? You're on Zoom and then suddenly, because he's up, he'll call you. Or you know that it is medicine time. Anything like that happens.
Then there's an emotional guilt that because we are looking after him, we are not looking after, maybe, my grandchildren. I want to talk to them, I'm not able to talk to them. Maybe I want to pray, because for us, when you know somebody is in palliative care, the journey of the soul is much more important. I'm not able to do that. And to do that, first thing I have to do is have a shower. A shower means I have to leave him alone. There are so many things going on. There's a big guilt. The positive aspect is a sense of purpose and closer family bond. All they can do is talk to you, and the family can talk to you, ‘Do this.’ That's all they can do.